Flail Complete Text Archive

Flail

do you think i care ?

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer.
SFX: (DING DONG)
Tantalus: You got that?
André: Yeah.

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer.
Tantalus: Who was it?
André: Guy with a shotgun.
Tantalus: What did he want?
André: My wallet.

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer, visibly agitated.
Tantalus: Did you give it to him?
André: Nah.
Tantalus: And he was alright with that?
André: Yeah, he really seemed pretty happy with yours.
SFX: (BLAM)

Tantalus' Bedroom, Tantalus is below the computer table, lying on the ground. Kevin is on the grounds, covering his nose with his paws.
Tantalus: That wasn't aimed at us, was it?
André: No, we're cool.

André's closet. André is standing next to a pile of clothes.
André: You know, one of us should probably call the police.
SFX: (BLAM)

Tantalus' Bedroom, Tantalus is below the computer table, lying on the ground. Kevin is hiding under the bed.
Tantalus: I suppose this means that none of our neighbors have roommates.
André: Not necessarily - it could just mean none of their roommates leave wallets on the kitchen counter.

Dining room. Tantalus and André are facing each other.
Tantalus: André, I was wondering; do you actually have any money in your wallet?
André: No...

Dining room. Tantalus and André are facing each other.
Tantalus: And are any of your credit cards not maxxed out?
André: Some of them have been cancelled!

Dining room. Tantalus and André are facing each other. Tantalus is visibly agitated.
Tantalus: So what, exactly, would you have lost by giving the guy your wallet?
André: I was afraid he'd be disappointed.

Dining room. Tantalus and André are facing each other.
SFX: (DING DONG)
André: Uh-oh.
Tantalus: Again?

Dining room. Tantalus and André are facing each other.
André: What should I do?
Tantalus: I don't know! I guess just pitch our remaining wallet out the door and take cover.

Outside. A male police officer is standing outside the door. He has just caught a wallet.
SFX: (SLAM)

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Male Police Officer: Now, I understand the assailant was a sort of black private dick?
André: No...

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Male Police Officer: You're telling me he was not, in fact, a sex machine with all the chicks?
André: Well, not that I noticed.

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Male Police Officer: Then would it be safe to say that your attacker was one bad mother-
Female Police Officer: I'm sorry, he's been like this for weeks.

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Tantalus: So, does he do this for all new releases, or just Blaxploitation films?

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Female Police Officer: Actually, it's really more a Samuel L. Jackson sort of thing.
Tantalus: Yeah? Episode I must have been exciting.

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Female Police Officer: I wouldn't know - between Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown, he's been behind a desk most of the past six years.

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Tantalus: So, do you think I'll get my wallet back?
Male Police Officer: Oh, yeah, here you go.
Female Police Officer: No, I think he means the one that was stolen.

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Male Police Officer: Oh. In that case, you should try not to think of yourself as the victim of a theft - look at yourself as the best witness to two homicides.
Tantalus: But I didn't see the guy.

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Male Police Officer: Yeah... In that case, I guess it's time to think of yourself as a guy who needs to start cancelling his credit cards.

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Tantalus: Wait - you said "homicide." Does that mean our neighbors are dead?
André: See? I told you introducing yourself was a waste of time!

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Female Police Officer: Yes, I'm sorry, both Mr. Simpson and Mrs. Coburn were fataly wounded by the attacker.
Tantalus: Uh...?

Outside. A male police officer, a female police officer, Tantalus and André are all facing each other.
Male Police Officer: We'll be putting up police tape, soon. That should help you figure out who your neighbors were.
Tantalus: Oh... Thanks.

Kitchen. André is standing at the counter, holding a beverage.
André: You know, I was thinking. The guy had a shotgun. Wouldn't our neighbors have just given him their wallets?
Tantalus: Maybe they were thinking, "I can take one hit, and while he's reloading I can take him out with the railgun"?

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer.
André: No, seriously! I figure they were killed as some sort of warning to us. You know, from our enemies?

Kitchen. André is standing at the counter, holding a beverage.
André: Or what if they were letting us know that we were sticking our noses where they don't belong? Maybe we're on the verge of unraveling their conspiracy!

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer, visibly agitated.
Tantalus: That would make so much sense if we had enemies, or were sticking our noses where they didn't belong.

Kitchen. André is standing at the counter, holding a beverage.
Tantalus: For that matter, if "they" were willing to kill just to send a message, why didn't they just kill us?

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer.
Tantalus: I mean, being dead would certainly have cramped my nose sticking. "They" must have realised this.

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer. André is standing in front of the table, facing Tantalus.
André: Well, I just think it's awful strange that he let me live.
Tantalus: I've got to agree.

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer. André is standing in front of the table, facing Tantalus.
André: No, no... I meant now that I'm a witness!
Tantalus: Whoa! You're right! He's probably just now realising his mistake.

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer. André is standing in front of the table, facing Tantalus.
SFX: (DING DONG)
Tantalus: O, Caesar! Morituri te salutamus!

Tantalus' Bedroom. Tantalus is sitting at his computer. André is standing in front of the table, facing Tantalus.
André: That would really be so much funnier if the front door were locked.
Tantalus: Oh...

Tantalus' Bedroom. The bedroom is empty.

The rear balcony. Eileen is standing in the open doorway with Kevin. André and Tantalus are hanging from the railing.
Eileen: Guys?

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
Eileen: Man. That's rough. At least you guys didn't lose anything but a wallet.
André: Yeah...

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
André: Well, that and a clean pair of boxers.
Tantalus: Uh...

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
Eileen: So, I guess neither of you will ever open a door like a normal human again.
André: Nope.
Tantalus: No, ma'am.

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
André: All in all, though, it didn't turn out so bad...

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
André: I mean, we are both still alive, and if we need a cop or the lyrics to the Theme from Shaft over the next few days, we know where to look.

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other. André is upset.
Tantalus: And if one of us had been killed, it almost certainly wouldn't have been me!
André: Hey!

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other. André and Eileen are indignant.
Tantalus: Sorry, I just assumed it was my turn to point out how it could have been worse.

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other. André and Eileen are indignant.
Tantalus: I guess my heart wasn't really in it - I mean, he is still alive. And anyway, is it any better to say, "Well, at least we didn't care about anyone who died"?

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other. André and Eileen are indignant.
Tantalus: Well, maybe it is... So, Eileen, what brings you here, today?

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
Eileen: I was just in the area, and realised how much I miss your charming segues. Well, that, and the cruiser caught my eye.

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
Tantalus: Wow. Here, I had just assumed you were here because they still hadn't come to install your DSL.

Dining Room. Eileen, Tantalus and André are standing, facing each other.
Eileen: Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't realise me borrowing your computer was messing with your rigorous dangling-from-a-porch schedule.

Tantalus' Bedroom. Eileen is sitting at the computer.
Eileen: Oh, wow! Hey, do you guys remember that prostitute Thomas used to hang out with?
Tantalus: You mean Mary?

Tantalus' Bedroom. Eileen is sitting at the computer.
Eileen: Yeah! Apparenstly, she's Sister Mary, now!

Living room. Tantalus is sitting on the couch, holding a Dreamcast controller. Kevin is lying on the couch.
Tantalus: Whoa! I always assumed we were just speaking figuratively when we called them "filthy whores" in school!

Living room. Tantalus is sitting on the couch, holding a Dreamcast controller. Kevin is lying on the couch.

Living room. Tantalus is sitting on the couch, holding a Dreamcast controller. Kevin is lying on the couch. André is standing in front of the couch.
André: You're playing the Slave Zero demo? I know you want to make Eileen feel guilty, but is it worth such suffering?

Living room. Tantalus is sitting on the couch, holding a Dreamcast controller. Kevin is lying on the couch. André is sitting on the couch.
André: Damn! You're really good at this! You're not enjoying this game, are you?
Tantalus: Rrr...

Living room. Tantalus is sitting on the couch, holding a Dreamcast controller. Kevin is lying on the couch. André is sitting on the couch.
André: Eileen! Come check this out! Tant's playing Slave Zero, and he's actually good at it!
Eileen: You've got to be kidding!

Living room. Tantalus is sitting on the couch, holding a Dreamcast controller. Kevin is lying on the couch. André is sitting on the couch. Eileen is standing in front of the couch.
Eileen: Alright, you can have your computer back. You could have just said something.

Living room. Kevin is lying on the couch. André is sitting on the couch. Eileen is standing in front of the couch.
André: Wow! He's still really good.
Eileen: He must have paid a small fortune for this tape.

Tantalus' Bathroom. Tantalus is brushing his teeth. The clock shows 11:30

Tantalus' Bathroom. Tantalus is rinsing his toothbrush.

Tantalus' Bathroom. Tantalus is brushing his teeth. The reflection of the clock in the shower door has been obscured

Tantalus' Bathroom. Tantalus is rinsing his toothbrush. The glint of metal is visible behind him.

Tantalus' Bathroom. Tantalus moves to intercept the figure, which brandishes the knife at him.

Living room. Kevin is lying on the couch. André is sitting on the couch. Eileen is standing in front of the couch.
Eileen: Did you hear something?
André: Nope.

Living room. André is sitting on the couch. A guy in a suit is running past.
Tantalus: Hey!

Living room. André is sitting on the couch. Tantalus is standing by the couch.
SFX: (SLAM)

Living room. André is sitting on the couch. Tantalus is standing by the couch.
Tantalus: Was that him?

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch.
André: Was that who?

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch.
Eileen: Was that the creepy guy in a suit you've been hiding in your bedroom? Why yes - yes it was! Anything else we can help with?

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch. Tantalus is a bit upset.
Tantalus: As it turns out, you both can go to hell. Was it the guy who took my wallet?

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch. Tantalus is a bit upset.
Eileen: Not that I want to prolong you comedy routine unnecessarily, but if you thought he took your wallet...

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch. Tantalus is a bit upset.
Eileen: Then exactly why were you -
Tantalus: I was not hiding him in my bedroom!

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch. Tantalus is a bit upset.
André: So, where were -
Tantalus: I didn't hide him! He must have snuck in earlier, maybe while the door was unlocked.

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch..
André: Anyway, the guy did have your wallet. So he could have bought a new suit and a haircut...

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen and Tantalus are standing by the couch..
André: I'm thinking, though, that it would have taken more than a few hours for him to recover from the plastic surgery.

Living room. Kevin and André are on the couch, Eilieen is standing by the couch..

Darkness
Kevin: (whimper)
Tantalus: Some guard dog you are. Why don't you just let yourself out? That seems to be the local custom, these days.

Darkness
Kevin: (whine)
Tantalus: I will listen to you whine all night, but I'm not leaving this bed until my alarm goes off.

Outside in the grass by a street lamp. Tantalus has Kevin on a leash.

A sidewalk by an intersection. André is walking on the sidewalk

A sidewalk by an intersection. André is walking on the sidewalk. A jeep full of hooligans is driving down the wrong side of the road, close to André. A beer bottle is flying through the air
Hooligan Passenger: Asshole!

A sidewalk by an intersection - close view of André's legs. A beer bottle is breaking on André's knee.

A street. André is in the middle of the street, flipping someone off. His knee is bleeding.

A street. André is in the middle of the street, holding his bloody knee.
SFX: (BLEAT)

A street. André is lying in the middle of the street, clutching his bloody knee. A car is driving past, partly in the same lane as André
Angry Driver: Asshole!

André's bedroom. André is talking on the phone. His hand has some blood on it.
André: No, sir, there really is no way I can make it in to work, today.

André's bedroom. André is talking on the phone. His hand has some blood on it.
André: Yes, sir, I am aware that I am to notify you in advance when I will be absent. Thank you, sir.

André's bedroom. André has just put down the phone. He's gotten some blood on his hair.
André: Asshole.
André: (ow)

Living room. Tantalus is standing behind the couch. André is lying on the couch, still bleeding from his knee. His hand still has blood on it.

Living room. Tantalus is standing behind the couch. André is lying on the couch, still bleeding from his knee. His hand still has blood on it.
Tantalus: So... You want a ride to look at some used cars, tonight?
André: Yeah...

Living room. Tantalus is standing behind the couch. André is lying on the couch, still bleeding from his knee. His hand still has blood on it.
Tantalus: And just what sort of car do you think you'll be able to afford after you get my couch reuphosltered?
André: I'll get back to you with a snappy comeback, just as soon as I stop bleeding.

Living room. Tantalus is standing behind the couch. André is lying on the couch, still bleeding from his knee. His hand still has blood on it.
Tantalus: ...Anyway... I'm ready to go just as soon as you wrap a rag around that thing.
André: Yeah, sure. Hey, you know what's funny?

Living room television. George W. Bush at a microphone. A man with a camera and a man in a hat and trenchcoat stand in the background.
André: That guy looks just like the guy who robbed us!
Tantalus: You mean Dubya?

Living room. Tantalus is standing behind the couch. André is lying on the couch, still bleeding from his knee. His hand still has blood on it.
André: No, no... The creepy guy in the hat behind the barricade.
SFX: (BLAM)

Living room television. The screen is black.
André: Weird.
Tantalus: Yeah - I'd have figured they would have cut to commercial while they prepped an anchor.

Living room television. The screen is black.

Living room television. The screen is black.
Tantalus: ...Or maybe our cable went out, again. Ready to look at some cars?
André: Sure.

Foyer. André is standing by the door. His knee continues to bleed.
André: Ok, I'm ready whenever you are!
Tantalus: Uh...

Dining room. Tantalus is quite angry.
Tantalus: You changed shirts, but your knee is still bleeding? Not to be overly apopleptic, especially towards someone so recently injured...

Dining room. Tantalus is quite angry.
Tantalus: But there is no way you are getting in my car until you dress that. I know you're not a fan of doctors, but there's more to modern medicine than the scary men in the white coats!

Foyer. André is standing by the door. His knee continues to bleed.
André: But if I bandage it up, how's the glass going to get out?

Foyer. André is standing by the door. His knee continues to bleed.
André: Alright, I guess most of it has bled out by new. Where's the duct tape?

Living room. Tantalus has calmed down.
Tantalus: I'll be waiting in the car. Try not to be bleeding.

Tantalus' car. The radio is on.
Car Radio: Again, Governor Bush was not injured in the hail of gunfire which erupted at a rally in Ohio, earlier this afternoon.

Tantalus' car. The radio is on.
Car Radio: The Governor's would-be assassin and Dallas millionaire Tom Lewis were both pronounced dead at the scene. An Ohio police officer was also injured defending the Governor.

Tantalus' car. The radio is on
Car Radio: Mr. Lewis had accompanied Bush on several recent stops along the campaign trail. The assailant's identity is not yet known.

Tantalus' car. André is trying to get into the passenger seat, despite the fact that his knee is taped so tightly he cannot bend his leg.
André: Damn! Won't this seat scoot back any further?

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: Yeah, Car & Driver were pretty harsh when they covered this car in their annual "Getting Into Cars Without Bending Our Knees" issue.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: It scored well on gas mileage and "Driving With A Moderate-to-Severe Head Injury," though, so I chose it over the models with more leg room.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: So. Where to?
André: Danal's!
Tantalus: Hmm. I always thought that was more a grocery store than a used car lot.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
André: No, no... I'm meeting someone there. The ad said it was a "Sweet ride, new engine, many custom parts."
Tantalus: ..."Nothing good can come of this."

Danal's parking lot. A man with a half-buttoned shirt and a hairy chest is showing off his remarkable ride. It comes equipped with a nude female figurehead, a cheap shield holding cheap metal swords and a cheap metal flail mounted on the door, and hundreds of bottlecaps encrusting nearly every body panel.
Tantalus: Merciful mother of God! Is that it? Are those bottlecaps?
André: Shut up and get us the hell out of here, Tant!

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: So... What's next on the list?
André: Well, that was it, really. I was fooled by the charming copy and low price.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: We'll do this again tomorrow, then?
André: No, hang on - I brought the paper... Here we go! "Classic Toyota 4WD. Must See to Believe. Off-road and on - Dreamy!"

A parking lot. Tantalus and André are standing behind a 1986 MR2 on 28" knobby tires with almost a foot of lift.
André: You know, this would almost be worth it if I could figure out how to get into it.
Tantalus: No, really... It wouldn't.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: Dare I ask what we'll be looking at next?
André: "1997 Saturn. Loaded. All accessories. Cheap!"

Somebody's house. Tantalus and André are looking at a white Sega Saturn sitting on a table, surrounded by controllers and games.
Tantalus: You know, it occurs to me I should have seen this one coming.
André: Yeah... Still, it is a good price.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: But don't you already own a Saturn?
André: This one's Japanese, though! Isn't that cool?!

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
Tantalus: Is there anything else you want to look at today?
André: No, I think I'll read some more ads and go looking again tomorrow.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the driver's seat.
André: Plus, I should probably call the cops and let them know that the guy who took your wallet is dead.

André's bedroom. André is talking on the phone.
André: What do you mean, "Nothing like the guy I described"? Twins look less alike! Maybe you're having a hard time seeing the resemblance because of the hat and the trenchcoat?

André's bedroom. André is talking on the phone. Belly is playing on a cd player in the living room.
André: And I'm telling you, that was the guy! Of course I got a good look at him. He was standing right behind Dubya!
André: ...Oh. I see.
Belly: Maria carry a rifle Maria carry a dog on her back

André's bedroom. André is talking on the phone. Belly is playing on a cd player in the living room.
André: Well, anyway, the guy is in Ohio, now. I guess... Hang on, there's a call coming in. Oh, yeah. Sorry to bother you.
André: Hello?
Belly: That dog is hit again that slow dog is hit again with his

André's bedroom. André is talking on the phone. Belly is playing on a cd player in the living room.
André: Speaking.
André: Why, yes, he does. Would you like to speak with him?
André: Oh, I'm quite certain.
Belly: See-through skin the kind of skin you can see through
André: Tant! Phone!

Living room. Tantalus is lying on the couch talking on the phone. Belly is playing on a cd player.
Tantalus: Hello? -Hang on, let me turn down the stereo.
Tantalus: Yes, that's me. Whan can I do for you, officer?
Belly: He's shot again he's shot again

Living room. Tantalus is lying on the couch talking on the phone. Belly is playing quietly on a cd player.
Tantalus: No, I haven't been to Ohio in years. Why do you ask?
Tantalus: My driver's license number? 08675309.
Belly: He's shot a-a-a-a-a-a he's shot again

Living room. Tantalus is lying on the couch talking on the phone. Belly is playing quietly on a cd player.
Tantalus: Yes, I'm quite familiar with it by now, thank you. Would you mind telling me why you called at some point?
Belly: He's shot again he's shot a a a a a a a

Dining room. Tantalus is standing around.
Tantalus: Wow. That was just really very strange. I'm glad they got ahold of me before they called my mother.
André: What are you talking about?

Dining room. Tantalus is standing around. André is walking out of the kitchen with a slice of pizza and a soda.
Tantalus: That was the Akron Sheriff's Department, looking for someone to come identify my body. It seems they found my driver's license on the guy who tried to kill Dubya.
André: What? But that makes no sense!

Dining room. André is standing around with a slice of pizza and a soda.
Tantalus: What do you mean?
André: Well, I was just talking with Sergeant Bird, and she says the guy who took your wallet didn't shoot anybody at the rally.

Balcony. André is standing by the wall, eating his pizza. Tantalus is looking over the railing.
Tantalus: You know what?

Balcony. Tantalus is leaning against the railing, facing the balcony.
Tantalus: It would just have been nice if, a week or so ago, I'd gotten a fortune cookie that said, "May you like in interesting times," so now I could say, "Ah! Just as the cookie foretold."

Balcony. André is leaning against the wall.
André: Or, failing that, it could have said, "Don't answer the door the next couple of days, check your bathroom for intruders, and let André use your car the rest of the month." That would have worked.

Balcony. André is leaning against the wall.
André: So, it's cool if we go look at cars again, tomorrow?
Tantalus: Oh, sure!

Balcony. Tantalus is leaning against the railing, facing the balcony.
Tantalus: After all, between your unnatural attraction for misleading classifieds and my ability to purchase gas, I figure we'll have seen every unreasonably auto in Dallas by September.

Balcony. André is leaning against the wall.
André: You'll never tire of being told what a jerk you are, will you?

Balcony. Tantalus is leaning against the railing, facing the balcony.
Tantalus: No, really! It's a foolproof plan - since you have an uncanny gift for finding the worst of all possible cars...

Balcony. Tantalus is leaning against the railing, facing the balcony.
Tantalus: We'll just look at every car in the paper, and when we get to the last one, we'll know it's perfect! It'll be great.

Balcony. André is leaning against the wall.
André: So, when I'm destroying your stuff, is there anything I should save for last?
Tantalus: I'm just saying maybe I should pick some cars for youto look at.

Kitchen. Tantalus is leaning over the counter.
Tantalus: So... How much were you planning to spend? There are some reasonable Corollas, here...
André: Let's see... I've got three hundred left.

Kitchen. Tantalus is leaning over the counter.
Tantalus: Wow! They must really have cleaned you out on that Saturn, huh?

Living room. André is lying on the couch.
André: No, I just figure if you're going to humiliate me, you're at least going to find me a bloody great deal.

Kitchen. Tantalus is leaning over the counter.
Tantalus: Well, I think those little scooters go for about a hundred bucks. You could be the coolest kid ever with three of those!

Kitchen. Tantalus is leaning over the counter.
Tantalus: Hey...! Here's a Honda Civic EX, VTEC Type R for only two hundred! Too cool!

Living room. André is lying on the couch.
André: Type R Civics are Japan-only. Are you sure you're reading that right?
Tantalus: Oh - sorry. They're selling the stickers, not a car. Weird.

André's Bedroom. André is lying naked on his bed. The sheets are piled next to him.
SFX: (Nok)

Dining room. Tantalus is standing by the door to André's bedroom.
Tantalus: André! The high today's going to be one-oh-eight! If you get up now, I can drive you in to work.

Dining room. Tantalus is standing by the door to André's bedroom.
André: GRZNXGGgg...
Tantalus: Well, just be sure you drink some water before you walk to work.

Sidewalk near an intersection. André is walking towards an intersection. The light is red, and there is a "Don't Walk" sign.

Sidewalk near an intersection. There is a "Don't Walk" sign in the distance. A car is stopped across the intersection, waiting for the light to change

Sidewalk near an intersection. Only the "Don't Walk" sign is visible. The edges of the view are darkened slightly.

Sidewalk near an intersection. A "Walk" sign is visible. The edges of the view are somewhat darker.

Sidewalk near an intersection. A "Walk" sign is visible. The sense of tunnel vision is rather acute.

Darkness.

Outside a shack in the wilderness. A stand of bamboo and a large plant stand next to a ramshackle building. André is lying on the grass next to the building.

Outside a shack in the wilderness. A stand of bamboo and a large plant stand next to a ramshackle building. André is lying on the grass next to the building. There is a large explosion in the distance.

Outside a shack in the wilderness. A stand of bamboo and a large plant stand next to a ramshackle building. André is hiding behind the bamboo, holding a gun. The grass in the distance is blackened. There is a helicopter in the sky.

Outside a shack in the wilderness. André is hiding behind some bamboo. The grass in the distance is blackened. A menacing humanoid is holding a war axe.

Outside a shack in the wilderness. André is hiding behind a stand of bamboo, firing a gun. A menacing humanoid is bleeding from a gunshot wound. A large claw is just visible behind the shack.

Outside a shack in the wilderness. André is trying to open the door to the shack. A large claw is just visible behind the shack.
Owner of Large Claw: GRAH!

Inside a room full of flames. André is standing by a door on a ledge above the flames. A rope swings overhead.

Inside a room full of flames. André is swinging over the flames on a rope. The ledge has retracted into the wall below the door.

Inside a room full of flames. André is pitching through a doorway out of the room. A rope swings over the flames.

Wherever André is falling. André is plummeting. The sound of a car honking pervades.

Wherever André is falling. André continues to plummet. The sound of a car honking pervades.

In an intersection. André is lying face-down in the intersection. There is a car stopped very close to him, as if it might run him over, honking.

In an intersection. André is lying face-down in the intersection. There is a car stopped very close to him. A man in a suit is looking at him.
SFX: (HONK)

In an intersection. André is lying face-down in the intersection. There is a car stopped very close to him. A man in a suit is looking at him, extending his hand.
SFX: (HONK)
Man in Suit: Hey, buddy... Need a hand?

In an intersection. André is lying face-down in the intersection, looking up.
André: No, thanks. I'm not sure how long I've been here, but I figure I've got a good deal of time invested finding out how long this guy will lay on his horn.
SFX: (HONK!)

Living Room. André is lying on the floor, reading the newspaper.
André: Hey, Tant! Maybe you can help out with the car search - where do you suppose they list the armed cars?

Kitchen. Tantalus is looking in the fridge.
Tantalus: Huh? What on earth are you talking about? This isn't Chechnya. For that matter, it's not "Car Wars," either.

Living Room. André is lying on the floor, reading the newspaper.
André: ...I'm not looking for anything heavily armed. I did check under "tanks," but they're all decommissioned.

Living Room. André is lying on the floor, reading the newspaper. Tantalus is sitting on the couch with a sandwich and a bottle of soda. There is a jar on the couch with a spoon sticking out of it. Kevin is walking behind the couch.
Tantalus: So... Why the sudden interest in vigilante justice? Or is this more a "twisted vengeance" kick?
André: Both, really.

Living Room. André is lying on the floor, reading the newspaper. Tantalus is sitting on the couch with a sandwich and a bottle of soda. Kevin is looking up at the jar on the couch.
André: Mostly, I'm just tired of people acting like they're better than me because they use two tons of metal to buy their groceries. That, and I want a piece of this "right to bear arms" I'm hearing about, lately.

Living Room. André is lying on the floor, reading the newspaper. Tantalus is sitting on the couch with a sandwich and a bottle of soda. Kevin is on the couch with his snout buried in the jar.
Tantalus: I think I'll file this under "overreacting, as usual", then.
André: Yeah, you do that. Can you go see if eBay has any listings?

Living Room. André is lying on the floor, reading the newspaper. A jar is lying on the couch next to a spoon.
André: Or just chase the dog into the kitchen. That works.

Kitchen. Tantalus is holding Kevin in the air. Kevin's snout is covered in peanut butter.
André: Uh... So when you're done terrorizing Kevin, would you mind...

Kitchen. Tantalus is standing around.
Tantalus: Sure, I'll take you to look at more sad little beaters. You wanna give me a hand getting the peanut butter off the cushion?
André: I scrubbed my blood out - it's your turn to put that showroom shine on our prizewinning couch.

Living Room. Eileen is standing by the arm of the couch. Kevin is looking up at Eileen from the floor. Tantalus is scrubbing the couch. André is still reading the paper.
Eileen: You know how sometimes, you'll be flaming someone in e-mail, and then you leave the computer, and you're talking to real people...

Living Room. Eileen is standing by the arm of the couch. Kevin is investigating the jar of peanut butter on the floor. Tantalus is scrubbing the couch. André is still reading the paper.
Eileen: And you still feel really pissed off, and you're constantly reminding yourself that the people you're talking to aren't the people you're mad at?
Tantalus: No...

Living Room. Eileen is screaming.
Eileen: Well, goddamnit, if you'd just pay attention, for once, instead of...
Eileen: Oh. Um. Sorry. But you see what I'm talking about?

Living Room. Eileen is standing by the arm of the couch. Kevin has his head in a jar of peanut butter. Tantalus is scrubbing the couch. André is still reading the paper.
Tantalus: So, anyway, what's got you so riled up, now?
Eileen: Uh... Nothing, it just...
Eileen: Why is there a jar of peanut butter on your dog's head?

Kitchen. Tantalus is holding a peanut-buttery Kevin.
Tantalus: I'm really not sure why he does this. The funny thing is, if I just put some peanut butter in a bowl, he won't touch it. It's got to be in the jar.

Living Room. André is lying on the floor, reading the newspaper.
André: Hey - I think I found it! "Unbadged South African sedan. Fully 'loaded', wink wink, nudge nudge.'" You gotta trust an ad that says, "Wink wink, nudge nudge"!
Tantalus: That's almost exactly the opposite of what I would have thought.

Parking lot. Tantalus and Eileen are leaning up against Eileen's car.
Eileen: I know you get tired of hearing this, but you and André sound more like an unhappily married couple every day.

Parking lot. Tantalus and Eileen are leaning up against Eileen's car.
Tantalus: Yeah, I've noticed. Actually, living with André is starting to sour me on the whole "marriage" idea - I don't see how anybody could make sharing living space seem pleasant.

Parking lot. Tantalus and Eileen are leaning up against Eileen's car.
Eileen: I'm not knocking André, here, but you might try a roomie who can tell the difference between cardboard and furniture before writing off marriage entirely.

Parking lot. Tantalus and Eileen are leaning up against Eileen's car.
Tantalus: It's not just him being a slob that gets to me, though. It's nothing particular that he does that gets on my nerves...

Parking lot. Tantalus and Eileen are leaning up against Eileen's car.
Tantalus: I can tell that he's honestly trying not to get on my nerves, but even when he's not actively screwing things up, I find myself imagining him dying in horrible ways.

Parking lot. Tantalus and Eileen are leaning up against Eileen's car.
Eileen: You know, the way things have gone for you guys, lately, that sounds more like prudent realism than anything. At least you'll be prepared for the next attempt on his life.

Parking lot. Tantalus and Eileen are leaning up against Eileen's car.
Eileen: Wasn't André going to "be right out"?
Tantalus: Yeah, I was holding out for the guilt angle, but at this point I'd best just go get him.

Living Room. André is lying on the couch.
Tantalus: Hey, André! We're waiting on you!
André: Oh, you guys are ready, now? Great! I'll be right there!

Outside. Tantalus and André are walking to the parking lot.
André: It's a good thing you got ready - I was starting to worry it might get too late.
Tantalus: Just get in the damned car.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking nervously at Tantalus.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking nervously out the window.

Tantalus' car. André is sitting in the back seat.
André: Just out of curiosity... Where are we going?

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat.
Eileen: I thought...
Tantalus: I don't know, André - where are we going?

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat. André is sitting in the back seat.
André: Oh! Ok, yeah, the first place I want to check out is out in Mesquite.
Tantalus: Rrr...

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat. André is sitting in the back seat.
Eileen: I think your hostility really is just lost on him, Tant.
André: No, I'm just used to it. Thanks for the vote of confidence, though.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat.
Eileen: Are you sure André will make it back ok in his "dream car"? We don't even know if it runs!
Tantalus: He knows how to call a tow truck if it dies.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat. Tantalus and Eileen are looking nervously at each other.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat.
Tantalus: Help me keep an eye out for him while we head back, then.

The Highway. André is driving his new car, a Studebaker Champion Conestoga station wagon.

André's new car. André is looking nervous.
André's Car: (thump thump thump)

The Highway. André is driving his new car, a Studebaker Champion Conestoga station wagon. Grey smoke is coming out from under the hood and out of the tailpipe.
André's Car: (THUNK)
André's Car: (thipthipthipthipthip)

Some Guy's Car. The car is driving along the highway, towards a cloud of gray smoke.
Some Guy: What the...?

Some Guy's Car. The car is driving into the cloud of smoke.
Some Guy's Car: (HONK)

Some Guy's Car. The car is completely engulfed in grey smoke.

The Highway. André is driving his new car. Some guy is passing him in another car, leaning across the passenger seat to show André his middle finger.
Some Guy's Car: (HONK)

André's new car. André is pulling a lever mounted on the steering wheel column.
André's Car: (Rat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat)

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat. They both look rather nervous, their jaws agape.
Eileen: Is that car on fire?

The Highway. Some guy's car has multiple bullet holes, and appears to be leaking some sort of fluid from the rear. Smoke is pouring out of the hood. No other cars are visible on that side of the highway.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat. They both look rather nervous, their jaws agape.
Tantalus: No, it looks like it's just smoke...
Tantalus: Oh. Now it's on fire.

The Highway. Some guy's car has multiple bullet holes. The fluid leaking from the rear has caught fire. Smoke is still pouring out of the hood. No other cars are visible on that side of the highway.

The Side of the Highway. André and Tantalus have both parked their cars on the side of the road. Tantalus, Eileen and André are all standing between the cars.
Tantalus: So, what happened? Are you okay? Why is that car on fire?
André: Yeah, I'm fine. I think the car died, though.

The Side of the Highway. André and Tantalus have both parked their cars on the side of the road. Tantalus, Eileen and André are all standing between the cars.
André: It must have thrown a rod, or something. I was just driving, when it starts making weird noises, and then the engine dies, and all this smoke pours out.

The Side of the Highway. André and Tantalus have both parked their cars on the side of the road. Tantalus, Eileen and André are all standing between the cars.
André: At this point, the guy behind me starts honking and shit, like this is spy hunter and I'm getting him with my smoke cloud - like I'm doing this on purpose.

The Side of the Highway. André and Tantalus have both parked their cars on the side of the road. Tantalus, Eileen and André are all standing between the cars.
André: Ironically, at that point, I opened fire with my machine guns. I swear, I was just trying to flash my brights at him.

The Side of the Highway. André and Tantalus have both parked their cars on the side of the road. Tantalus, Eileen and André are all standing between the cars.
Tantalus: Hmm... The car's not in your name, yet?
André: No...
Tantalus: And I guess you paid cash?
André: Yeah...

The Side of the Highway. André and Tantalus have both parked their cars on the side of the road. Tantalus, Eileen and André are all standing between the cars.
Tantalus: Then if you can finish wiping your prints off it before the cops show up, you can have a ride.
André: Deal!

Tantalus' car. André is sitting in the back seat.
André: You know, in the year 2035, I'd be stripping that car for salvage, not fleeing like some kind of criminal.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking nervously out the window.
Tantalus: I'd have to say you're fleeing as a criminal, really. Do you even know if the driver got out?
Eileen: In the year 2525...

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking at Tantalus.
Eileen: Three women keep hope alive...

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking down. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window.
Eileen: Joining forces to reclaim the earth...
Cellphone: (Ring Ring)

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window.
Eileen: Hello?
Eileen: Mary?
Eileen: What's wrong?!
Eileen: What?

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving and looking at Eileen. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking at Eileen.
Eileen: Okay, we'll be right there.
Eileen: Wait - where are you?

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving and looking at Eileen. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking at Eileen.
Tantalus: So what's up?
Eileen: That was "Sister" Mary. She's at her church, and apparently there's a guy there with a gun.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving and looking at Eileen. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window. André is sitting in the back seat, looking at Eileen.
Tantalus: So she must have been calling to tell you not to come visit because the church would be swarming with cops?
Eileen: No...

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking down. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window.
Eileen: She said she couldn't call the cops. It sounded like she knew the guy - she said if we laid on the horn, he'd run.
Tantalus: Naturally.

In front of a church. Tantalus' car is parked in front of the church.
Eileen: Well?

In front of a church. Tantalus' car is parked in front of the church.
Tantalus' Car: (honk)

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking down. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window. A police cruiser with its lights on is visible through the rear window.
Eileen: Hm. Maybe she was expecting something... Louder?
Police Cruiser Loudspeaker: (SKREE) Move your vehicle

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and Eileen are sitting in front, looking at each other. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window. A police cruiser with its lights on is behind the car, in the next lane.
Tantalus: Looks like she called the police, after all. Must not have been the right gun-toting madman.
Police Cruiser: WEeoOO

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the front seat, looking at Tantalus.
Police Cruiser: WEeeoOOo...
Eileen: ...I'll be... right back.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and André are looking out the window. Eileen is running away from the car..
Tantalus: I vote that our next wacky adventure takes place in her car.

The front door of a church. Eileen is running towards the door.
Police Officer: Ma'am?

The front door of a church. Eileen is standing in front of the door. A police officer is walking up to her.
Police Officer: Ma'am, you can't go in there, now.

The front door of a church. Eileen is looking at a police officer.
Eileen: But I... You don't... You know, you're right. Thank you.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and Eileen are sitting in front, looking at each other. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window.
Tantalus: That was fast - what were you doing?
Eileen: I'm not sure, really. I just felt like I needed to be doing something. I must have mistaken myself for Jet Li.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and Eileen are sitting in front, looking at each other. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and Eileen are sitting in front, looking at each other. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window.
Eileen: I really don't know what I'd have done if the cops hadn't kept me out. Got shot, I suppose. The guy's still inside.

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at Tantalus. André is sitting in the back seat, also looking at Tantalus.
Eileen: So, now I don't know what we should do. They said as far as they know, no one has left the church since the shooting started.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and Eileen are sitting in front, looking at each other. André is sitting in the back seat, looking out the window.
Tantalus: Let's again ask ourselves, "What would Jet Li do?" only this time, do the opposite.

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at Tantalus.
Eileen: I wasn't going to go in after her. I just thought she might need a friend when this is over.
Eileen: If she's alive...

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving.
Tantalus: Speaking as the de facto chauffeur, I'd say that the moment she needs a friend, she'll call you. I'm certain she'll rise from her grave if necessary.

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, glaring at Tantalus.
Eileen: I can never tell if you're being unintentionally callous, or just plain rude. This time, I'm guessing "rude." Not that it matters, really.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and Eileen are sitting in front, glaring at each other. André is sitting in the back seat.
André: Could we maybe go glare at each other in a restaurant or something? I'm hungry.

Wendy's. Tantalus is glaring at Eileen.

Wendy's. Eileen is glaring at Tantalus.

Wendy's. Tantalus and Eileen are glaring at each other. André is holding a burger, looking at Eileen.
André: I'd be lying if I said I weren't just happy neither of you are glaring at me.

Wendy's. Tantalus and Eileen are glaring at each other. André is holding half a burger, looking at Tantalus.
Tantalus: Rrrr...
Eileen: Grrr...

Wendy's. Tantalus and Eileen are glaring at each other. André is looking at Eileen.
André: You guys don't even remember why you're angry, do you?

Wendy's. Tantalus and Eileen are glaring at each other. André is looking at Tantalus.
Tantalus: Yes, actually.
Eileen: Shut up.
André: I'll just be waiting in the car, then.

Wendy's. Tantalus and Eileen are glaring at each other.
Tantalus: I don't see why you're so worked up over this.
Eileen: She was my friend!
André: Tant?
Tantalus: I'll bet you'd not thought of her in years until you got that e-mail.

Wendy's. André is holding open the door, just entering the restaurant. He looks upset.
André: Tant! It's your car!

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is looking at his car. The front driver's side window has been shattered and mostly knocked out.
Tantalus: Jesus...

Tantalus' car. Tantalus and Eileen are sitting in front, glaring at each other. André is sitting in the back seat.
Tantalus: I can't believe they just broke the window! Why did they break in to not take shit?

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at Tantalus. André is sitting in the back seat, also looking at Tantalus.
Eileen: It's bad enough you're so self-centered - now you're going to be irrational, as well?
André: Or maybe someone is just out to get you.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the front seat. The driver's side front window is shattered.
Tantalus: It's worse than that - there's two of them.

Tantalus' car. Eileen is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at Tantalus. André is sitting in the back seat, also looking at Tantalus.
Eileen: I'll tell you what. If Mary's alive, I'll pay for the window, even if your feeble honking had nothing to do with it.
André: And I'll vacuum up the glass...

Tantalus' car. Eileen is in the front passenger seat, looking rather upset.
Eileen: But you'd best understand we're doing this because we are nice people, and not because we enjoy your constant whining. It would really be nice if you just had a little perspective.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is sitting in the front seat.
Tantalus: Yeah, you know - I'm sorry. I guess I do come across as pretty whiny, and I know none of this crap is actually your fault. I'll try to be less of a jerk.
André: You'll be needing to wear a nametag, then, so we can recognize you.

Kitchen. André is pouring coffee. Kevin is looking up at André.
André: Morning, Tant! Want some coffee?
Tantalus: Fuck off.

Kitchen. André is holding the edge of the counter.
André: Jesus Christ, dude! How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
Tantalus: Maybe you should try shutting up for once, instead!

Kitchen. André is standing in the kitchen.
Front Door: SLAM
André: "The life you save may be a fussbudget."
André: Crap. There's no way I can drink all this coffee.

Parking lot. Tantalus is standing by his car.

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving, looking back over his shoulder.

Tantalus' car. The creepy guy in the suit is hiding on the floorboard in the back seat, holding a knife.

Tantalus' car. The creepy guy in the suit is lying on the floorboard in the back seat, lifting his knife.

Tantalus' car. The creepy guy in the suit is lying on the floorboard in the back seat, stabbing the back of the driver's chair with his knife.
Tantalus: OW!

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving and reaching behind his back.
Tantalus: What the...?

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is driving and holding his bloody hand in front of his face.
Tantalus: Jesus Christ!

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is reaching below his seat and grabbing the seat position lever.
Creepy Guy in a Suit: Huhr?

Tantalus' car. The creepy guy in a suit is being smacked in the face by the driver's seat.
Creepy Guy in a Suit: OOF!
Car seat: (CRUNCH)

Tantalus' car. The creepy guy in a suit is being crushed by the driver's seat.
Car seat: (THUMP)

Tantalus' car. Tantalus is leaning up against the door of his car, eyes half closed, blood-covered hand resting on the door. There are sliding glass doors in the background.

Emergency room entrance. Tantalus' car is parked in the pull-through entrance for the emergency room.

A hospital. Tantalus' arm is visible with a tube coming out of it. There is a nearly empty tray of surgical instruments, and a surgeon.

A hospital. Tantalus' arm is visible with a tube coming out of it. There is a nearly empty tray of surgical instruments, and a surgeon. The field of view is darkened, as if viewed through closing eyes.

A hospital. Tantalus' arm is visible with a tube coming out of it. There is a nearly empty tray of surgical instruments, and a surgeon. It is almost too dark to see anything.

Underwater. Tantalus, dressed in armor, is swimming upwards.

Underwater. Tantalus is still swimming upwards. Nearby is a huge floating head of Odin, the All-Father.

Underwater. The huge floating head of Odin floats.
Odin: Tantalus!
Odin: Your time in the mortal realm is not yet over!
Odin: Return, and fulfill your destiny!

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in a bed, staring at the ceiling.

A Hospital. Tantalus is sitting bolt upright in bed, grabbing the rails. There is an IV coming out of his arm.
Tantalus: Who did this to me? Where is he? I'm going to fucking kill him right now!

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in a bed, his eyes closed..

A Hospital. Tantalus is very, very angry.
Tantalus: You let... him DRIVE away... in my car?!
Beeping Machine: Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking on the phone. A shape is visible out the window.
Tantalus: ...and then, after all that, they just let him drive off in my car. They say there was nothing they could do - they had no idea he was the one who attacked me

A Hospital. The creepy guy in the suit is visible through the window of Tantalus' room.
Tantalus: At any rate, whoever he was, I assume he was just after the car in the first place. At least now it's all over and done with, and I get a few days of narcotics and no work.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Hi, Eileen? It's Tantalus, again. They are going to be keeping me here for a few days...
Tantalus: Yeah, that would have been nice, but I imagine that I'm putting up less of a fight than he did.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Anyway, I was wondering if you would swing by my place and pick up some stuff I'll need - nothing gross, I promise.
Tantalus: André? No - for one thing, he still doesn't have a car, remember?

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: But mostly, it's the "hospital" thing. Did you know he won't even answer the phone if I call from here? It's like he's concocted this weird fantasy world where everyone is either "healthy" or "dead."

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, asleep and drooling, with the phone held up to his ear.

Outside the apartment. Eileen is ringing the doorbell.
Doorbell: (DING DONG)

André's bedroom. André is hiding underneath a blanket on his bed.
Eileen: Damnit, André, I know you're in there! Open the goddamned door! Tant's keys are gone! I can't bring him his stuff if you don't open the door!

Outside the apartment. The deadbolt is being unlocked.
Deadbolt: (KLIK)

Outside the apartment. The door is opening. André is running back towards his room.

Foyer. Eileen is standing inside, closing the door.
Eileen: I don't guess there's much chance you'll be helping me find anything, then...

A mysterious realm. Tantalus is standing around, wearing armor and holding a sword and shield. The sky is swirling with pastel colors, and the ground is a streaked, flat grey.

Breezeway by the apartment. Eileen is carrying a paper bag and a briefcase.
Eileen: He'd damned well better be in pain when I get there...

A mysterious realm. Tantalus is standing at the edge of the streaked, flat grey ground. Below, there is a lush green landscape, with a waterfall appearing seemingly out of nowhere and running off into the ocean.

A mysterious realm. Jormungandr is rising out of the ocean.

A mysterious realm. Jormungandr is chasing Tantalus across the flat grey ground.

Jormungandr's mouth. Tantalus is held prisoner in Jormungandr's mouth by Jormungandr's great red tongue.

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, tangled in his IV and the phone cord.
Door: (Nok nok nok)
Eileen: Tant... It's me... Are you decent?

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: Thanks for bringing my stuff. I should be in good shape until they let me out.
Eileen: Have they said how long they'll keep you?

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: To be honest, I don't know if they have or not. Between ranting about my car and receiving the guidance of the Aesir, I've been rather busy.

A hospital room. Tantalus is sitting up in bed, talking to Eileen.
Tantalus: In fact, I think the only lucid conversation I've had with a doctor since I got here was when I demanded an exact measurement of how far over the knife would have needed to be for me to lose the use of my legs.

A hospital room. Tantalus is sitting up in bed, talking to Eileen.
Tantalus: I mean, that's what they always do in the movies, right? "Two inches to the left and you'd have been a goner, Mr. Riley!"

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: Come to think of it, maybe my conversations with Odin have been the only truly lucid ones.

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: But you know, I don't think anyone expects you to make much sense right now...
Tantalus: Aw, thanks, mom!

A hospital room. Eileen is sitting in a chair, talking to Tantalus.
Eileen: Wow. It's taken so much effort, over the years, not to stab you in hopes that it would make you less of a jerk. Now I find out it wouldn't have worked, anyway.

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: Yeah? Just imagine what I'd be like without the painkillers.
Eileen: I would prefer not to.
Tantalus: You're a mantis, not a scrivener.

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: So... On that note, can I ask you to do me a favor and look after Kevin while I'm in here?
Eileen: I'm sure I could - Kevin shouldn't suffer for your insolence.

A hospital room. Eileen is sitting in a chair, talking to Tantalus.
Eileen: I will need a key, though - André was pretty weird about letting me in, today. You being here must have him really freaked out.

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: Huh. Maybe I should have asked you to take care of him, too... He's lived on his own before, though...
RN: Mr. Tantalus?

A hospital room. Dr. Ben is standing in the doorway.
Tantalus: No, Tantalus is my first name, actually.
Dr. Ben: Oh... I see. I'm sorry. I'm Doctor Ben Harris. How are you feeling?

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: If that's at least morphine trickling into my veins, I'm great. Otherwise,
Tantalus: ohh... it hurts...
Eileen: He's just fine, Doctor.

A hospital room. Dr. Ben is standing in the doorway.
Dr. Ben: ...I...see...
Dr. Ben: Uh... I'm here to help get you settled in and answer any questions you have. Oh, and it says here to tell you, "three and a half inches." Doesn't say why, though...

A hospital room. Dr. Ben is standing in the doorway.
Dr. Ben: ...Oh, and lastly, there are no painkillers or sedatives in your I.V. Unless the pain gets much worse, you should be just fine on oral analgesics.

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, asleep. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: Thank you, Doctor. I'll let him know - I'm sure he'll be just fine.

A hospital room. Tantalus is lying in bed, asleep. Eileen is drawing a blanket over him.

A hospital. Eileen is sitting barefoot on the front steps, lost in thought.

A hospital. Eileen is sitting barefoot on the front steps.
Creepy Guy in a Suit: Isn't it funny how, sick or healthy, being in this place makes us take stock of ourselves?

A hospital. Eileen is sitting on the front steps, putting her shoes on. The creepy guy in a suit is standing at the base of the steps.
Creepy Guy in a Suit: ...For that matter, it's pretty funny how we run away the minute a stranger starts a conversation with anything except, "May I take your order, please?"

A hospital. The creepy guy in a suit is standing at the base of the hospital steps.
Creepy Guy in a Suit: ...I guess it's also kinda funny the way you're just leaving without saying anything, and how that makes me sound like an idiot, right now...

A hospital. The creepy guy in a suit is standing at the base of the hospital steps.
Creepy Guy in a Suit: You, uh...
Creepy Guy in a Suit: You forgot your purse!

A hospital. Eileen is walking away from the hospital entrance. The creepy guy in a suit is still standing at the steps to the entrance.
Eileen: I don't own a purse!
Creepy Guy in a Suit: ...Yeah, um... Yeah.

The kitchen. Eileen is looking at a large pile of take-out, mostly pizza boxes.
Eileen: Good lord, André! You've only been on your own for three days - have you eaten anything but take-out?

The kitchen. An open pizza box is sitting on the counter. The pizza inside is untouched.
Eileen: Jesus... These are all full! You planning a party?

The kitchen. Eileen is looking suspiciously at André's door.
Eileen: You know, André, you're allowed to talk to me... I'm the picture of health...
Eileen: God, you're such a fucking psycho.

The kitchen. Eileen is looking down at Kevin, who is looking at a full bowl of food.
Eileen: Hey, Kevin. Looks like André's taking care of you, at least.

The kitchen. Eileen is scratching Kevin's neck, while he looks at his food bowl.
Eileen: I feel like I should leave my cellphone for you, so you can call me if he freaks out any worse and you need rescued.

The kitchen. Eileen is pouring more food into the food bowl, which is now overflowing. Kevin is walking away.
Eileen: Well, no matter how weird he gets, he's not an animal. No offense... Good luck - I'll just top off your food before I go.

The Living Room. Kevin is sleeping in front of the TV, next to a Dreamcast controller on the ground.

Parking Lot. Eileen is starting her car.
Eileen's Car: BRMM

Parking Lot. Creepy guy in a suit is leaning forward to start Tantalus' car.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Hi, there. I need to reserve a rental car for the week of July tenth.
Tantalus: Well, actually, I had a question about that.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: See, normally, I call around asking for a Metro until I find someplace that has nothing but a Towncar or such. But I'm assuming that only works at the last minute.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Exactly. So what's the trick, then? I'd really prefer to reserve this rental in advance, but I don't see why I should pay more than twenty bucks a day.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Of course I'm serious. We both know that I can hang up this phone, wait five days, and get a fine luxury auto for only twenty dollars...

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: So why not save us both the trouble and let me reserve it now? Are you on commission? I'll be more than happy to make up the difference...

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: What?
Tantalus: No, you may not speak to my manager! I've half a mind to ask for yours. Good day!

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Hi, Tom? It's Tantalus. I'm not sure if anyone's gotten ahold of you, yet, but I'm sure you've noticed I'm not in the office, today.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: You hadn't? Oh, er, just kidding, then. Carry on.
Tantalus: Yeah, no, I'm in the hospital. Some lunatic knifed me in the back.
Tantalus: Yes, literally.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Yes, I know how unlikely that excuse sounds. I'll be happy to bring in...
Tantalus: No, I was just parrotting your terminology. I'm not admitting that it's "just an excuse..."

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Look, on Monday, assuming they let me leave the hospital I'll bring a note from a physician explaining my absence.
Tantalus: ...And the police report. Fine.

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Hello, nurse? I was wondering - I've just been stabbed -
Tantalus: What? No, hold on - what I mean to say is, there's nothing wrong with me, aside from a spare hole...

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: Right. So I was wondering - there's really no reason I shouldn't order a pizza up to my room, is there?

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, talking on the phone.
Tantalus: It is not outside your delivery area - you're half a block away!
Tantalus: Goddamnit! Why won't anyone deliver me a goddamned pizza?

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, grasping the rail.
Tantalus: Goddamnit!

A Hospital. Tantalus is lying in bed, slightly elevated, grasping the rail, sleeping.

Eileen's Apartment Complex. Eileen is walking up the sidewalk towards her apartment building.

Eileen's Apartment Complex. Eileen is walking up the sidewalk to her apartment, glancing over her shoulder.

Eileen's Apartment Complex. Creepy Guy in a Suit is parked in the parking lot in Tantalus' car, looking at Eileen and writing in a notepad.

Tantalus' Car. Montgomery is sitting in the front seat, writing in a notepad. The notepad reads, "did not respond to advances. may consider different tack. must learn more about #17. 070500 Montg. followed #17 to apartment bldg where #3 and #16 live. #17 was inside for several minutes then left. most likely distressed due to damage to #3 - did not see #3's car or M. trailing #17 to learn more. must be quick to catch #8 after. Montg."

Tantalus' Car. Montgomery is sitting in the front seat, writing in a notepad. The notepad reads, "070500 1618 #17 is at frankford and marsh in lakeview apartments. bldg 15. nervous, again did not see car or M. will take precaut. before next visit pref. get rid of this car. no time to confirm #17 residence and still catch #8. Montg."

Eileen's Apartment. Eileen is standing inside, at her front door, locking the second deadbolt. The keyless deadbolt and the chain are both already locked.

Eileen's Apartment. Eileen is on the phone.
Eileen: Hi... Room 235, please?

Eileen's Apartment. Eileen is on the phone.
Eileen: Hi, Tant, it's Eileen. I guess you've gone back to sleep, but I just wanted to tell you - this creepy guy was hitting on me when I left the hospital. It was just really weird...

Eileen's Apartment. Eileen is on the phone.
Eileen: And then, all the way home I felt like I was being followed. I'm sure I'm just on edge because of all that's happened, lately.

Eileen's Apartment. Eileen is on the phone.
Eileen: Oh, and speaking of creepy - André seems to have lost it completely. He's still locked in his room, but now the kitchen is filled with pizza and Chinese food.
Eileen: Well, not literally, of course.

Eileen's Apartment. Eileen is on the phone.
Eileen: I just hope he's still going in to work... Well, assuming he'd be more sane, there... I don't know what to hope.

Eileen's Apartment. Eileen is on the phone.
Eileen: Anyway, call me if you need anything, or I'll see you tomorrow - I know we didn't make any plans, but I'm assuming you'll appreciate some company. Bye!

A mysterious realm. A hand is outstretched, palm up, against a vague background.

A mysterious realm. A hand is outstretched, palm up, against a vague background. There is a blue swirl of colour within the palm.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus' face is visible within a swirl of blue and purple colour.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus is looking down at his attire - he is dressed in Montgomery's suit.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus is unbuttoning the suit jacket. Red light is spilling out past the buttonhole.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus is opening the suit jacket. Red light is swirling behind the jacket and spilling out.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus is opening his suit jacket, and red flames are pouring out.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus' head is visible over rising flames. He looks down nervously.

A mysterious realm. Five tendrils of flame rise up against a blue background.

A mysterious realm. Five tendrils of flame rise up against a blue background.

A mysterious realm. Five tendrils of flame rise up against a blue background. Below the tendrils, the flames have begun to part.

A mysterious realm. Within the parting of the flames, Tantalus stands naked.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus stands naked in a parting of the flames.

A mysterious realm. Tantalus faces the flames, but is hollow behind - he is only the front shell of Tantalus.

A mysterious realm. The flames shine through the eyes of the hollow shell of Tantalus.

A mysterious realm. The flames are visible through one of the eyeholes of the hollow shell of Tantalus.

A mysterious realm. A huge figure of flame looms up.

A mysterious realm. A huge figure of flame holds Tantalus in his hands.

Foyer. Eileen has opened the front door from the outside, and is stepping in.
Eileen: Hey, André. It's me, here to take care of the dog, on account of you being a freak, and all. Feel free to hide in your room.

Foyer. Eileen has entered the apartment.
Eileen: And, you know, if there's any messages I might relay to your roommate, just give me a shout. I'm sure he'd love to hear from you, if only by...

Kitchen. Eileen has just stepped into the kitchen. Pepperoni have been laid out on the kitchen floor, spelling out, "Stop me before I kill a". Kevin is touching the pepperoni next to the letter "a" with his snout.
Eileen: Good lord...

Kitchen. Eileen is holding Kevin under her arm.
Eileen: Kevin, you're going to make yourself sick. Please tell me this is the first sentence you've eaten...
Eileen: André!

Living Room. Eileen is holding Kevin under her arm.
Eileen: André, I'm going to put Kevin on the balcony, and then you're going to help me clean up your bizarre attempt at performance art out here.

Kitchen. Eileen is on the floor, cleaning up the pepperoni.
Eileen: Damnit, André...
Eileen: You suck.

Hospital Room. Eileen is standing in the doorway.
Eileen: Hey! How's everyone's favorite convalescent?
Tantalus: Not nearly as good as everyone's favorite "pretending-to-be-happy" girl.

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: Well, it was worth a shot - I figured one of us should at least pretend to be happy. So how's bed treating you?
Tantalus: Well enough, for now - I leave tomorrow.

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: So soon? I thought they were keeping you all weekend.
Tantalus: Nope! It turns out that I'm something of an asshole. Works out the same as being healthy.

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: Well, it'll be nice to have you back at home - I'm assuming that will stop André's descent into madness...

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: Is it that bad?
Eileen: Well, today he spelled out "Stop me before I kill again" in pepperoni.

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: He... Didn't actually kill someone... Did he?
Eileen: Not such that I noticed, anyway.

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: I don't know how much my being out of the hospital will help, though - I'll still be "unhealthy."

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: Is that it? I can't see him doing this all day long until you're fully recovered.
Tantalus: Would it really surprise you, though?

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: Actually, I try to always be surprised by André's behavior - I don't want to be too good at anticipating the actions of psychos.
Tantalus: Good call.

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Tantalus: You know, I often like to say, "Well, on the bright side..." and then follow that with something terrible that could happen, but hasn't...
Cellphone: (Ring Ring)

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is sitting in a chair.
Eileen: Hang on - it's Mary!
Tantalus: Really? Something didn't turn out for the worst, then!

Hospital Room. Eileen is holding the cellphone to her ear.
Eileen: Hello?
Eileen: Hello?
Eileen: Mary?

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed, talking to Eileen. Eileen is leaving the room.
Tantalus: Wait - what's up?
Eileen: I don't know! That was the number Mary called from last time, but there was no one there!

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed.
Tantalus: So you'll just go charging off, again? Here - I'll come with you.
Eileen: Don't be silly! I'll swing by to grab André. You can rest.

Hospital Room. Tantalus is lying in bed.
Tantalus: Yeah...
Tantalus: Rest.

Outside the apartment. Eileen is turning the front door handle.

Outside the apartment. Eileen is bearing against the closed front door with her shoulder.
Eileen: André!
Eileen: I hope, for your sake, that it's your bloody, maggot-ridden carcass that's blocking this door!

Foyer. The front door is ajar, and Eileen is squeezing through the entrance. The living room couch is lengthwise across the foyer, its arm butting up against the door.
Eileen: Ok, André. This isn't even that creative. Now get some clothes on. Mary's in trouble, and you're the closest thing to a tough I can find.

Foyer. The couch, counter, and the floor of the apartment are liberally covered in green plastic army men.
Eileen: Mother of God...
Eileen: Well, I guess this means he still has a job...

Foyer. Eileen is holding up one of the green plastic army men.
Eileen: Maybe I should just grab a handful of these guys, for all the good André will do...

Dining Room. Eileen is dragging André out of his bedroom. More green plastic army men coat available surfaces in his bedroom.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat.
André: So, where are we headed?
Eileen: Oh, so you're only autistic inside the apartment? We thought it was because Tant's in the hospital.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.
Eileen: I see...

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.
Eileen: Well. Since you asked... We're going to see what's happened to Mary. I got a call from the church, but no one spoke when I answered.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.
Eileen: I don't remember - had you flipped out already when that guy with the gun came to her church?

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.
Eileen: Well, at any rate, I haven't been able to get in touch with her, since. So now, I'm worried, and you're coming with me to help her.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving, and waving her hand in front of André's face. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving, and flipping André off. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.
Eileen: You know how irritating this is, right?

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his lap.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at Eileen.

Eileen's Car. Eileen is driving. André is sitting in the passenger seat, looking at Eileen.
André: Boo.
Eileen: Aigh!

The side of the road. Eileen's car is screeching to a stop.
Eileen's Car: Skreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The side of the road. Eileen is shoving André out of the car
André: Ow!

The side of the road. André is sitting on the curb next to Eileen's car, looking up at Eileen.
Eileen: You are such a shit, André!

copyright 2000 Chris Koeberle