Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: frank@twg.com (Frank McConnell)
Subject: A Peevetown Parable
Organization: Spiraling Aphasia


At the end of a long hard day, the man did return to that place where
he lived.  Upon his arrival, he felt the need to use the Euphemism,
and so he did go into the bathroom.

In the white porcelain bathtub the man saw a dark critter with six or
more legs, which had not been there when he bathed last, at the
beginning of this long hard day.

The man watched the critter for a time, and wondered how it came to be
there.  It was trapped in the bathtub: it climbed up the side of the
tub, until it reached that point where its weight overcame its
friction against the side of the tub, did slide back down to the
bottom, and set out again to climb up the side of the tub.

The man, tiring of this after several repetitions, tore a strip from
the bogroll he kept near to the Euphemism, and did place this strip on
the side of the tub so that the critter could climb to the top upon
it.

The critter spied the strip, and instead of climbing upon it, did run
to the other side of the tub where it resumed its climbing of the wall
of the tub and sliding down.

Seeing this, the man was disappointed.  He then gathered up the
bogroll strip into a great wad, with which he did smite the critter
beyond the limits of its exoskeleton.  The man did then place wad
and critter in the bowl of the Euphemism, not as an offering but as
refuse, whereupon he relieved himself.

Therefore, if you do go into a place, see that you do not announce
yourself straightaway, but instead look, and listen, and learn the
ways of the people in that place, until you are ready to announce
yourself in a way that will not seem out of place or unwelcome to
those people, lest they smite you.

And if it should come to pass that you do announce yourself, and find
that you are or were not ready, or that you misjudged, be mindful of
those who offer commentary and advice, and learn from them, even if
such advice does seem rudely given.  Do not turn from them and persist
in your course, lest they discard you as refuse, and relieve
themselves upon you.

-Frank "Preacher to Uncle Ben's Converted" McConnell