Newsgroups: alt.flame.parents From: nmaack@alfred.carleton.ca (Nikolaus Maack) Subject: Mom 'n Dad are Weird. My parents are nice people. Mom has been paying for my way through school and has said that she'll even pay for grad school should I choose to go on, endlessly studying, permanently trapped in scholastic hell, never seeing the real world, surrounded by drooling profs who forget what the sun looks like as they've been trapped in hellish little classrooms, pretending they are teaching when in fact they are just getting students to jump through little hoops. Dad's nice. He owns a restaurant and is often asking me to head over and eat great food like venison, chicken cordon bleu, and other fattening foods that will make me gain so much weight that eventually I will be entirely unappealing to any creature of the opposite sex, or the same sex for that matter, and I'll die of a heart attack but before I do, live out a long, lonely, painful, fat life. Dad gave me a 40 pound bag of potatoes. He said that when he was a bachelor, all he ate was home friend potatoes. Apparently wanting me to follow in his obviously nutritionally sound footsteps, he has dropped this bag of potatoes on me, pinning me to the ground under their dirt, formidable weight. I have been eating the potatoes. Slowly, ever so slowly, I will eat the entire fucking bag, and perhaps die. My parents are nice. Perhaps that's why I want to kill them. Nik