What Dallas is Really Like
Big.
Dallas is big. It's a gigantic sprawl. Dallas county is about 600
square miles. The big triangle of population encompassing Dallas, Fort
Worth, and Denton is about three times that. Dallas-Fort Worth has
upwards of 4 million people. Dallas is not what one would generally
describe as crowded.
Short.
Dallas is short. Most houses and some apartment complexes are 1-story,
and there are a lot of houses. Most apartment complexes are 2-story
or 3-story. Office buildings tend to occur up to 3-stories, too. Then
there are the hideously large 'skyscrapers' that still don't really
compare to other cities, partly because they're all so far apart from
each other.
Dumb.
People in Dallas are dumb.
Car-Oriented.
Dallas likes to think it has a mass transit system. This system consists
of a huge number of buses and a train.
Unfortunately, buses are not a good system of public transportation, and
while Dallas has a squadron of the best buses on the planet, they only
run once every hour in most locations. The train is better, and the system
is improving.
However, just about everyone in
Dallas seems to have a car (or large, annoying truck) anyway.
Willing to Eliminate Cycles at Any Cost.
Chris used to ride a bike in Dallas. In 2 years of periodic bicycling,
he almost got killed by a driver 5 times. Once, he was partly at fault.
People in Dallas also hate motorcyclists, but the police harass them, so
they don't try so hard to kill them. (In Garland, a suburb, even the
motocycle cops hate motorcyclists. The bicycle cops don't appear to hate
bicyclists, though.)
Pedestrian Unfriendly.
Most of the crosswalks in Dallas do not function in any discernible or
comprehensible fashion. Those that do maliciously try to kill pedestrians
by encouraging them to walk across the street. (This is never a good
idea in Dallas unless you are an acrobat or a fast runner.) Also, at
least one street in four has a sidewalk only on one side of the street,
and one in six has no sidewalk at all. These are usually the most
conveniently placed streets for getting anywhere important.
Home to...
Dallas is where Vanilla Ice spent his high school years. We think.
(Feb 11 1995 Chris Koeberle)
Hey. I miss the whimsy of the other
Dallasummary.
I wanna learn more about this Chris guy!
Where the Buffalo Roam
is a comic that has never been carried by a Dallas newspaper.